lift my eyes to the hills where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121 v 1

I have been  thinking a lot about this verse lately why? I guess because I have been looking up a lot! lifting my hands up to God praying mainly out of despair, praying for situations to change etc.

In the last few weeks I have had so many prayers answered it's been miraculous, people's hearts have been changed, hope has been given, paths have been made straight.

And it has surprised me!!! That's the bit that has challenged me the most, here I am praying and when He answers I'm shocked!!

My God has become too small and this brings me to Psalm 121 it reminds me that God made heaven and earth

God spoke and life came into being, the sun was formed at His command, He made man out of the dust of the earth, He divided the waters to make land and so the list goes on!

If God created the world, whatever I pray for is nothing in comparison.

Nothing is too difficult or impossible for God!

My prayers need to match the God I am praying too!!

Gods love language is faith! He loves it when His children trust Him and come to Him and pray in Faith.

How big is your God?

What lense are you looking through?

So my phone had a collision with some gravel and its once clean smooth screen now looks like it has been shot! It has cracks and makes everything look disfigured!

The thing is I have now gotten used to it! When I type a message I just have to look a little closer to see if the words are not misspelt! When I watch a clip I almost think the cracks and the bullet looking hole is a part of the clip!! That's crazy right?
I videoed a beautiful sunrise the other day and when I posted it on Instagram it was even more beautiful because the cracks were not shown!!!!!

I am sure you know where I am going with this! Life can be looked at in many different ways, almost like lenses! We can look at things through the love lens the thankful lens the anger lens!
The list goes on.

This week I have looked through life through the lens of anger! And boy it's not been pretty!
It's also been exhausting! Carrying anger towards people and situations is so draining!

The other morning I went for a march along the sea front where I videoed the sunrise and I cried out to God " let me see things through your lens not my own!" Unfortunately I didn't get brand new eyes but I had a sense of relief that slowly God was going to help me see things differently and that I didn't have to carry this burden of anger anymore.

Life does not always go to plan and we get confused and angry the best person to express that anger to is God!  He can take it!

God is God I am not!! He sees the bigger picture!

*Warning I am going to take a verse out of context but it illustrates perfectly what I am feeling at the moment so please forgive me!*

1 Corinthians ch 13 v 12
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part ; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known.

God shows us little by little and that to us is confusing but when we meet him face to face all will be revealed!!!

Unity in diversity

Unity in diversity

As a leadership team in church we have been reading and re reading Romans and although there is some gems all the way through the book it's not my favourite!
Today I read three verses that blew me away and challenged me!

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
Romans 15:5-7 NIV
http://bible.com/111/rom.15.5-7.niv

To me this is talking about unity and accepting one another! Why is this so important? Well it really pleases God.
So when I am not loving and accepting someone and not loving them I am not pleasing God!!

All of you who know me know that I am a people person,  I am an extrovert! I love being with people although I also love my own company!! This does not mean I am an angel and I accept and love everyone!! ( gasps of horror! now I've fallen off my pedestal!!)
In fact it's my biggest struggle!

God loves and accepts me at my very worst, why then would I not show that same unconditional acceptance to others?

I started to think what does unity look like? The dictionary definition is
 ' being one, the opposite of being divided'
Then I remembered a great example of unity that didn't feel like unity at the time!

My dear mother was dying and we,her three very different daughters took it turns to care for her a week at a time! She soon noticed that we all cared for in different ways! My oldest sister my mum called the 'Sergeant  Major' ( which she really is not, she is the most gentle out of all of us!!) because she did everything by the book if the nurse said she should no longer have sugar as she was starting to show signs of diabetes,she cut it out of diet, she made sure that mum had what she wanted though, I remember her buying her some beautiful silk pyjamas that mother loved. My other sister would read to her and sit with her and mum called her the gentle giant as she would dry my mums hair with gentleness.
Then there was me!! The rebellious one! I remember letting her eat a tablespoon of syrup because she wanted it and her blood sugar went through the roof. We all knew she was dying let her die happy was my mantra!! She asked for her toe nails to be painted red! She never had them done in her life well I painted them!
 Her last days all three of us came together and cared for her! All very different in our personalities and our caring but we had one goal to care for mum to make her last days be filled with love. One day mum said to all three of us " There is diversity in unity"


It has stuck with me, why? because this is what God wants the church to be like, each of us to be our diverse selves but to be one in our purpose, to Love Him and to love others and to accept and love one another to bring glory to His name.

The world is watching and wouldn't it be amazing if we, a mixed bag of weird, unique Christians with all different ways of worship and theological views just loved and accepted one another without being critical or unkind! God would be so glorified and people just might turn to Him because of our unity!

Lessons from seagulls

I had been running on empty for a while, oh I had been taking a few minutes each day reading and trying to pray but my mind was full to over flowing with lists of things still undone,people not spent time with, courses to teach and prepare for and to be honest I was totally overwhelmed and exhausted!
I had dropped the boys off at school and I had ten minutes before a next meeting, I bought a hot chocolate and parked up.
My view was the Marina, calm waters, boats bobbing, the sky a beautiful red! My companions? Five seagulls all walking around puddles, one teenage seagull fighting with a leaf thinking it was food!

I hadn't opened my bible that morning but had it with me in the car and I opened it, still distracted by the seagulls who by the way are not my favourite bird especially as they dive bomb our car just after it has been washed and they always leave their mark on it!
I  started reading  Matthew ch 11, I got to v 28 Jesus is speaking "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest" well I just about held it together but I choked up! I didn't need to read on as I knew the verse and I knew God had got my attention! I let that verse go round and round in my head and I looked out of  the window and there a seagull was drinking from a puddle of water, it hit me even seagulls know where to get their sustenance from, only fifty feet away was a mass of water that they could go drink from but they knew it was salt water and was not good for them but that puddle was fresh and refreshing!

I had been running on empty as I had not been going to the one who is always available to listen, refresh, sustain, give life, give strength, give wisdom and the list goes on!

How foolish I often am that I think I can do things on my own and in my own strength!
I am so thankful to God who is so patient and kind and gentle and who uses my least favourite bird to speak to me!!! And who is always available and willing to give His children all that we need.

Words that harm Words that heal

You have the phrase many times 'Words can hurt words can heal' Yes? Well I have been dwelling on that for some time!
I have been reading and re reading 2 Peter ch 1 It's slowly but surely sinking into my soul!! It's all good so go read it!

v 5 says  Make every effort to add to your faith goodness,and to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge self control well day three of reading that same chapter that last word hit me!

You see I can talk about many things in my life that I need more self control in but God seemed to highlight this word to me in regard to my tongue!!

The image of a gun came to mind of words shooting out of a gun like a bullet and piercing someone's heart with it!

It made me cringe at how many times I have reacted to people with a sarcastic comment or a harsh word without even thinking of how that person would receive it!
I then had an image of a water pistol pop in my head and I thought a water pistol showers out water and usually causes laughter and fun unless you hate getting wet!
The thought came I want to be a water pistol showering blessings of encouragement to people ( this includes my children, if you can't put it into practise at home there is something wrong!,) not be a gun shooting harmful discouragements to people!
So that's my challenge eek now it's down in black and white I have to put it into practise!!!

Have you ever had one of those days where your head is so full and people keeping keep talking and you want them to stop them because you can't contain any more information or your heart can't take any more emotion?
I have had a week like that! Sometimes I have felt like I can't breathe and I just need someone to give me more oxygen!

Anyone who knows me knows I really don't like roller coasters as I hurt my head really bad on one!
Well this week has felt like an emotional roller coaster!
We have had to make big decisions as a family, I thought I had lost two years of work in my iPad, finances have caused us stress, a loved one has died, and I have to watch my loved one start the grieving process. I wanted to scream "Stop the world I want to get off!,"

My mantra 'Don't let ANYTHING get bigger that GOD' has been sorely tasted and I know I have taken my eyes of HIM.

The words of this song by Holly Starr and the prayers of my dear friends have given me spiritual oxygen!

 The noise is overwhelming and taking control
I've let my fear consume me, it won't let go
Where has my faith been hiding? I'd like to know
I've come to this conclusion in search of hope

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

Confusion all around me, my head's a mess
I want to close my eyes but can't seem to rest
Your words help me remember, I can't forget
Your peace is always faithful and has no end


Why do I feel so blind? I'm gonna stop this time
And surrender, and surrender to You

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

The only place I have found peace is in prayer!
Just to encourage anyone who is reading this stop and refocus.xx

Suffering and God!!!!

Lots of questions have been going through my mind this last month about pain, suffering, illness, and heart ache. Many people ask "Where is God in it all?!"

If you are in that place where you are wondering and questioning, I am Sorry you may not find all the answers in my humble blog! But you may find comfort in what I share!!

This last month I have paced hospital corridors whilst a loved one was in surgery, I have been laid up in bed with sever back pain, I then once  again walked the long corridors of another hospital visiting another loved one who was suffering!
I have listened to dear friends going through loss and anxiety, I have attended too many funerals in
these last few months which has made my heart ache for those who got left behind.

And yes I have got mad with God to the point where I thought what's the point of talking to Him anymore!!
I have started to read again a book called Jesus Calling I haven't read if for a couple of years. as I opened it up the other day it led me to this well known verse,

John Ch.16 v 33 I have told you these things so that in ME you may have peace. in this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart I have over come the world.



There it is, in black and white Jesus warning us that there will always be trouble in this world we have to expect it! But in the midst of that trouble if we let Jesus in to whatever our struggle or pain is he gives us the peace to cope with it.
In the hospital wards when I was pacing I would go down the 'what if road' 'what if they die' etc I
started to feel anxiety, when I started praying and giving it to God I felt peace.

Another challenging verse I read is 'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you!' James ch 4 v 8
I know I have been ignoring God and running away from Him or just telling Him what I think he should be doing!!!I miss His closeness then rant about God not being there when all the time it has been me moving away from Him!

When I stop and let God in, peace gradually seeps in and I realise afresh my deepest need is not to have answers but just to be close to the one who has it all in His mighty big hands!!

So maybe not answers to deep questions but just a thought that maybe I/we need to let God be God and keep talking and questioning Him and yes get angry with Him ( He can take it he has mighty big shoulders!!) as long as we keep communicating with Him we are still walking with Him, we just need to let Him in.
Let his closeness bring you peace x