Lessons from seagulls

I had been running on empty for a while, oh I had been taking a few minutes each day reading and trying to pray but my mind was full to over flowing with lists of things still undone,people not spent time with, courses to teach and prepare for and to be honest I was totally overwhelmed and exhausted!
I had dropped the boys off at school and I had ten minutes before a next meeting, I bought a hot chocolate and parked up.
My view was the Marina, calm waters, boats bobbing, the sky a beautiful red! My companions? Five seagulls all walking around puddles, one teenage seagull fighting with a leaf thinking it was food!

I hadn't opened my bible that morning but had it with me in the car and I opened it, still distracted by the seagulls who by the way are not my favourite bird especially as they dive bomb our car just after it has been washed and they always leave their mark on it!
I  started reading  Matthew ch 11, I got to v 28 Jesus is speaking "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest" well I just about held it together but I choked up! I didn't need to read on as I knew the verse and I knew God had got my attention! I let that verse go round and round in my head and I looked out of  the window and there a seagull was drinking from a puddle of water, it hit me even seagulls know where to get their sustenance from, only fifty feet away was a mass of water that they could go drink from but they knew it was salt water and was not good for them but that puddle was fresh and refreshing!

I had been running on empty as I had not been going to the one who is always available to listen, refresh, sustain, give life, give strength, give wisdom and the list goes on!

How foolish I often am that I think I can do things on my own and in my own strength!
I am so thankful to God who is so patient and kind and gentle and who uses my least favourite bird to speak to me!!! And who is always available and willing to give His children all that we need.

Words that harm Words that heal

You have the phrase many times 'Words can hurt words can heal' Yes? Well I have been dwelling on that for some time!
I have been reading and re reading 2 Peter ch 1 It's slowly but surely sinking into my soul!! It's all good so go read it!

v 5 says  Make every effort to add to your faith goodness,and to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge self control well day three of reading that same chapter that last word hit me!

You see I can talk about many things in my life that I need more self control in but God seemed to highlight this word to me in regard to my tongue!!

The image of a gun came to mind of words shooting out of a gun like a bullet and piercing someone's heart with it!

It made me cringe at how many times I have reacted to people with a sarcastic comment or a harsh word without even thinking of how that person would receive it!
I then had an image of a water pistol pop in my head and I thought a water pistol showers out water and usually causes laughter and fun unless you hate getting wet!
The thought came I want to be a water pistol showering blessings of encouragement to people ( this includes my children, if you can't put it into practise at home there is something wrong!,) not be a gun shooting harmful discouragements to people!
So that's my challenge eek now it's down in black and white I have to put it into practise!!!

Have you ever had one of those days where your head is so full and people keeping keep talking and you want them to stop them because you can't contain any more information or your heart can't take any more emotion?
I have had a week like that! Sometimes I have felt like I can't breathe and I just need someone to give me more oxygen!

Anyone who knows me knows I really don't like roller coasters as I hurt my head really bad on one!
Well this week has felt like an emotional roller coaster!
We have had to make big decisions as a family, I thought I had lost two years of work in my iPad, finances have caused us stress, a loved one has died, and I have to watch my loved one start the grieving process. I wanted to scream "Stop the world I want to get off!,"

My mantra 'Don't let ANYTHING get bigger that GOD' has been sorely tasted and I know I have taken my eyes of HIM.

The words of this song by Holly Starr and the prayers of my dear friends have given me spiritual oxygen!

 The noise is overwhelming and taking control
I've let my fear consume me, it won't let go
Where has my faith been hiding? I'd like to know
I've come to this conclusion in search of hope

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

Confusion all around me, my head's a mess
I want to close my eyes but can't seem to rest
Your words help me remember, I can't forget
Your peace is always faithful and has no end


Why do I feel so blind? I'm gonna stop this time
And surrender, and surrender to You

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

The only place I have found peace is in prayer!
Just to encourage anyone who is reading this stop and refocus.xx

Suffering and God!!!!

Lots of questions have been going through my mind this last month about pain, suffering, illness, and heart ache. Many people ask "Where is God in it all?!"

If you are in that place where you are wondering and questioning, I am Sorry you may not find all the answers in my humble blog! But you may find comfort in what I share!!

This last month I have paced hospital corridors whilst a loved one was in surgery, I have been laid up in bed with sever back pain, I then once  again walked the long corridors of another hospital visiting another loved one who was suffering!
I have listened to dear friends going through loss and anxiety, I have attended too many funerals in
these last few months which has made my heart ache for those who got left behind.

And yes I have got mad with God to the point where I thought what's the point of talking to Him anymore!!
I have started to read again a book called Jesus Calling I haven't read if for a couple of years. as I opened it up the other day it led me to this well known verse,

John Ch.16 v 33 I have told you these things so that in ME you may have peace. in this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart I have over come the world.



There it is, in black and white Jesus warning us that there will always be trouble in this world we have to expect it! But in the midst of that trouble if we let Jesus in to whatever our struggle or pain is he gives us the peace to cope with it.
In the hospital wards when I was pacing I would go down the 'what if road' 'what if they die' etc I
started to feel anxiety, when I started praying and giving it to God I felt peace.

Another challenging verse I read is 'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you!' James ch 4 v 8
I know I have been ignoring God and running away from Him or just telling Him what I think he should be doing!!!I miss His closeness then rant about God not being there when all the time it has been me moving away from Him!

When I stop and let God in, peace gradually seeps in and I realise afresh my deepest need is not to have answers but just to be close to the one who has it all in His mighty big hands!!

So maybe not answers to deep questions but just a thought that maybe I/we need to let God be God and keep talking and questioning Him and yes get angry with Him ( He can take it he has mighty big shoulders!!) as long as we keep communicating with Him we are still walking with Him, we just need to let Him in.
Let his closeness bring you peace x

Lessons from Lent

Lessons from Lent!

Thank the dear Lord lent is over,and that Easter has arrived!
This Lent I gave myself the challenge of giving up facebook and writing 40 cards in 40 days!

Day 1 I felt very virtuous as I took off my facbook app from my phone and replaced it with the bible app! I thought I would read a lent devotional at the same time as my other challenges, I am a all or  nothing kind of girl!!

The first couple off weeks went well, I really didn't miss what everyone was doing on a day to day basis and definetely didn't miss negative statuses.
I enjoyed connecting with people through snail mail!

By week 3 I was feeling disconected with others and thought that is really sad as on Facebook I don't see people I just follow and comment on their lives!
It really got me thinking about community and how we were created to live in community and how we need one another to challenge and encourage each other.

These last 40 days I have not only felt disconnected with people but also felt disconnnected to God I have been reading and praying but doing it out of duty not out of desire.
I  have met with good friends in person and through facetime and through conversation I have learnt that I have been pretty deflated and have been angry towards the church and at God about life and how broken people are and how God doesnt always mend everything!

Then I started reading a book called Reckess faith that a good friend lent me, let me share with you a few lines that grabbed me!

Beth Guckenberger writes 'Is my faith reckless enough to trust first and think second?
Can I grow faith strong enough like a muscle that when it has to pick up heavy reality, I can easilyl lift it and still have hope? That doesn't mean I don't think about consequensess and pain. but I layer those on top of faith instead of the other way round. When we try to layer faith on top, all the doubts and question on the bottom make for an unstable foundation, and it almost always cracks. But when we have faith at the base,the questions, when they come, don't insist on being answered right away.
Reckless faith isn't fake,It doesn't pretend, It feels deeply and lives fully. It asks questions and cries out and tests boundaries. It has dynamic conversations with God. It molds its understanding as it encounters new situations and experiences new growth. "God has a plan" is not a cliche or sticky plaster you put on wounds that aren't healing. 'God has a plan" is a mantra for a way of life that says you dont have all the answers to proceed. You can throw yourself to the red sea and believe if it parts, praise God! You knew it.
How does it open? why  does it open now, when it didnt earlier? Why did it close on the Egyptians? to  those questions , you apply faith that acts first and thinks second, Not in mindless obedience, but with childlke faith.

This spoke right into my being and has given me hope and as lent has finished I can get start to talk to God again not out of duty but out of desire! so my journey continues with God and people!
Missed you all!

Thank God for Easter!!!

What if church was more like coffee shops!

What if Church was more like Coffee Shops!

This last week I found myself wandering the streets of Stockton as I waited for my sick guitar to be fixed!!!( that's another story!!) I decided after I had gone in a few shops that as I was passing  Cafe Nero I would pop in!  ( I wasn't going to name the coffee shop but we name and shame establishments, so today I am gong to name and give them some fame!!)

I walked in, it was warm and the barista was bantering with his colleague, before I even asked for a drink I asked to use the facilities he smiled and gave me the key. I came back ordered my drink
(I am sorry to all my coffee drinking friends that I only ordered a peppermint tea!!! )
He asked me if I had a loyalty card I said that I didn't have one and he asked if I would like one when I said that I did not , he looked me in the eye sadly and said  "Will you not be returning ever?"   This made me chuckle! I told him that I didn't live in the town but thanked him for the tea and walked out of the shop. as I meandered back to the guitar shop sipping warm cup of tea I was smiling!  Why? That man did his job well, he made me feel  welcomed and special!
I started to think how often I have been to Coffee shops and felt the same and others where the barista has been too stressed to show any care for their customers!!

I started to think about community and how Churches should may be take note at how good Coffee establishments treat their customers and that we as a church could follow their example and make people feel so welcome and special. I was not ridiculed for ordering peppermint tea when there was so many different luxurious coffees available, as a church family,welcoming people in means accepting them where they are at even if they don't yet believe what we believe.

May be another idea for churches you could  provide good coffee!!!