Have you ever had one of those days where your head is so full and people keeping keep talking and you want them to stop them because you can't contain any more information or your heart can't take any more emotion?
I have had a week like that! Sometimes I have felt like I can't breathe and I just need someone to give me more oxygen!

Anyone who knows me knows I really don't like roller coasters as I hurt my head really bad on one!
Well this week has felt like an emotional roller coaster!
We have had to make big decisions as a family, I thought I had lost two years of work in my iPad, finances have caused us stress, a loved one has died, and I have to watch my loved one start the grieving process. I wanted to scream "Stop the world I want to get off!,"

My mantra 'Don't let ANYTHING get bigger that GOD' has been sorely tasted and I know I have taken my eyes of HIM.

The words of this song by Holly Starr and the prayers of my dear friends have given me spiritual oxygen!

 The noise is overwhelming and taking control
I've let my fear consume me, it won't let go
Where has my faith been hiding? I'd like to know
I've come to this conclusion in search of hope

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

Confusion all around me, my head's a mess
I want to close my eyes but can't seem to rest
Your words help me remember, I can't forget
Your peace is always faithful and has no end


Why do I feel so blind? I'm gonna stop this time
And surrender, and surrender to You

Lord, I really need to stop right now
Stop now and focus on You
Even with the chaos all around
I'll stop now and focus on You

The only place I have found peace is in prayer!
Just to encourage anyone who is reading this stop and refocus.xx

Suffering and God!!!!

Lots of questions have been going through my mind this last month about pain, suffering, illness, and heart ache. Many people ask "Where is God in it all?!"

If you are in that place where you are wondering and questioning, I am Sorry you may not find all the answers in my humble blog! But you may find comfort in what I share!!

This last month I have paced hospital corridors whilst a loved one was in surgery, I have been laid up in bed with sever back pain, I then once  again walked the long corridors of another hospital visiting another loved one who was suffering!
I have listened to dear friends going through loss and anxiety, I have attended too many funerals in
these last few months which has made my heart ache for those who got left behind.

And yes I have got mad with God to the point where I thought what's the point of talking to Him anymore!!
I have started to read again a book called Jesus Calling I haven't read if for a couple of years. as I opened it up the other day it led me to this well known verse,

John Ch.16 v 33 I have told you these things so that in ME you may have peace. in this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart I have over come the world.



There it is, in black and white Jesus warning us that there will always be trouble in this world we have to expect it! But in the midst of that trouble if we let Jesus in to whatever our struggle or pain is he gives us the peace to cope with it.
In the hospital wards when I was pacing I would go down the 'what if road' 'what if they die' etc I
started to feel anxiety, when I started praying and giving it to God I felt peace.

Another challenging verse I read is 'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you!' James ch 4 v 8
I know I have been ignoring God and running away from Him or just telling Him what I think he should be doing!!!I miss His closeness then rant about God not being there when all the time it has been me moving away from Him!

When I stop and let God in, peace gradually seeps in and I realise afresh my deepest need is not to have answers but just to be close to the one who has it all in His mighty big hands!!

So maybe not answers to deep questions but just a thought that maybe I/we need to let God be God and keep talking and questioning Him and yes get angry with Him ( He can take it he has mighty big shoulders!!) as long as we keep communicating with Him we are still walking with Him, we just need to let Him in.
Let his closeness bring you peace x

Lessons from Lent

Lessons from Lent!

Thank the dear Lord lent is over,and that Easter has arrived!
This Lent I gave myself the challenge of giving up facebook and writing 40 cards in 40 days!

Day 1 I felt very virtuous as I took off my facbook app from my phone and replaced it with the bible app! I thought I would read a lent devotional at the same time as my other challenges, I am a all or  nothing kind of girl!!

The first couple off weeks went well, I really didn't miss what everyone was doing on a day to day basis and definetely didn't miss negative statuses.
I enjoyed connecting with people through snail mail!

By week 3 I was feeling disconected with others and thought that is really sad as on Facebook I don't see people I just follow and comment on their lives!
It really got me thinking about community and how we were created to live in community and how we need one another to challenge and encourage each other.

These last 40 days I have not only felt disconnected with people but also felt disconnnected to God I have been reading and praying but doing it out of duty not out of desire.
I  have met with good friends in person and through facetime and through conversation I have learnt that I have been pretty deflated and have been angry towards the church and at God about life and how broken people are and how God doesnt always mend everything!

Then I started reading a book called Reckess faith that a good friend lent me, let me share with you a few lines that grabbed me!

Beth Guckenberger writes 'Is my faith reckless enough to trust first and think second?
Can I grow faith strong enough like a muscle that when it has to pick up heavy reality, I can easilyl lift it and still have hope? That doesn't mean I don't think about consequensess and pain. but I layer those on top of faith instead of the other way round. When we try to layer faith on top, all the doubts and question on the bottom make for an unstable foundation, and it almost always cracks. But when we have faith at the base,the questions, when they come, don't insist on being answered right away.
Reckless faith isn't fake,It doesn't pretend, It feels deeply and lives fully. It asks questions and cries out and tests boundaries. It has dynamic conversations with God. It molds its understanding as it encounters new situations and experiences new growth. "God has a plan" is not a cliche or sticky plaster you put on wounds that aren't healing. 'God has a plan" is a mantra for a way of life that says you dont have all the answers to proceed. You can throw yourself to the red sea and believe if it parts, praise God! You knew it.
How does it open? why  does it open now, when it didnt earlier? Why did it close on the Egyptians? to  those questions , you apply faith that acts first and thinks second, Not in mindless obedience, but with childlke faith.

This spoke right into my being and has given me hope and as lent has finished I can get start to talk to God again not out of duty but out of desire! so my journey continues with God and people!
Missed you all!

Thank God for Easter!!!

What if church was more like coffee shops!

What if Church was more like Coffee Shops!

This last week I found myself wandering the streets of Stockton as I waited for my sick guitar to be fixed!!!( that's another story!!) I decided after I had gone in a few shops that as I was passing  Cafe Nero I would pop in!  ( I wasn't going to name the coffee shop but we name and shame establishments, so today I am gong to name and give them some fame!!)

I walked in, it was warm and the barista was bantering with his colleague, before I even asked for a drink I asked to use the facilities he smiled and gave me the key. I came back ordered my drink
(I am sorry to all my coffee drinking friends that I only ordered a peppermint tea!!! )
He asked me if I had a loyalty card I said that I didn't have one and he asked if I would like one when I said that I did not , he looked me in the eye sadly and said  "Will you not be returning ever?"   This made me chuckle! I told him that I didn't live in the town but thanked him for the tea and walked out of the shop. as I meandered back to the guitar shop sipping warm cup of tea I was smiling!  Why? That man did his job well, he made me feel  welcomed and special!
I started to think how often I have been to Coffee shops and felt the same and others where the barista has been too stressed to show any care for their customers!!

I started to think about community and how Churches should may be take note at how good Coffee establishments treat their customers and that we as a church could follow their example and make people feel so welcome and special. I was not ridiculed for ordering peppermint tea when there was so many different luxurious coffees available, as a church family,welcoming people in means accepting them where they are at even if they don't yet believe what we believe.

May be another idea for churches you could  provide good coffee!!!

Lessons from Mary

Lessons from Mary

I only heard this song this year and it really touched me 'Mary did you know?' Here are the words

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will calm a storm with His hand?
Did you know
That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby
You've kissed the face of God

Mary, did you know?
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
And the dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the Lamb

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding
Is the Great I Am

Oh Mary did you know?

I can imagine she never knew all that Jesus could achieve or what her life would turn out like.
Luke ch 1 tells how Mary was visited by an angel, wow she was highly favoured and chosen,It reads that she was troubled!  I bet that was an understatement I bet she was scared witless! It's not every day a heavenly being comes to visit!
She was told she would have a baby, at that point I am sure she thought well this angel has got the wrong person, God surely told the angel to visit someone else as she was still a virgin so there was no way that she could have a baby!

Mary was not afraid to question the angel or God but this angel had an answer for everything,the angel told her that this conception was going to be the Holy Spirit over shadowing her and she would bear the son Of God.
Even after Mary's fears and questions she said 'Yes' to God'
" I am the Lords servant" let it be as you have said.
Now Mary would have had to go and told Joseph this, she would have had to suffer humiliation there would have been a possibility that Joseph would have cast her out and not married her as that was their tradition in those days. Even so Mary still went and told him all that had happened with the angel visitor!
I wonder what would have happened if Mary had said "no" to  God! He would have had to choose someone else!
In v 45 we read of Mary's visit to Elizabeth,and her response to seeing Mary was beautiful.

"Blessed is she who has believed that what The Lord has said to her will be accomplished"
Mary had firm faith in God knowing He would give His best best for her life she trusted him completely.

This Christmas time what has God asked of you? To forgive someone, to let God into your life and receive his love and forgiveness? To go to someone and help them? Are you willing to say Yes to God?

God's word are full of promises to us. What has God promised you that you, like Mary have a choice to believe that He will accomplish what He promised you? Or to live in constant anxiety and fear not trusting God to keep His promises!

God is faithful, keep saying Yes to Him as it may change your life but it could also impact others life as Mary impacted ours.
Never give up believing that God will keep His promises to you.

May you know Gods nearness this Christmas.

A season perspective

Here in beautiful England Autumn has arrived, as I drove down a boring motor way I was distracted by all the amazing colour splashed on every tree! The colour makes up for all the rain and fog we get this time of year!
Pretty soon winter will be here, I don't mind this season but it's not my favourite!!

These last few months I know that spiritually I have been in a place where I didn't want to be, life looked a little blacker, God appeared further away and communication with him seemed disconnected.
Then whilst reflecting in the bath!! ( where I do my thinking!) it hit me, I am in a autumn/ winter season a time where things are dieing off and life is just about putting one foot in front of another.

 I  started to think well just like yearly seasons it's only for a time, I just need to embrace it dig deep and know that it is only for a while, this season will pass and I will come into spring again!

Just thought I would share just in case anyone is feeling the same!

A great verse I was reminded of this week was from the book of Job, boy he went through a long winter of his soul where he felt so abandoned by God and everyone told him to just curse God even his wife told him to turn his back on his creator but this was his response
Job ch 2 v 15 Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?
Jobs friends then come and tell him that all his troubles are because of some uncofessed sin in his life and condemned  him!
Job moans,shouts  and cries out to God but he never turns his back on God, just like God didn't abandon Job!
Jobs winter season goes on a long while but then the sun begins to shine and God speaks into his life after a long silence, communication and their relationship is once again restored!

It's all about having a seasonal perspective!

Free from Guilt!

This morning I had the privilege of witnessing a friends husband go through the waters of baptism!
What was amazing about that you wonder? Well he shared his testamony and told the whole church that he had lived as a Muslim for all of his life until very recently!! His wife had met with Jesus and her life had been changed,
I met with her and she told  me that she felt so guilty as a Muslim as she felt she didn't pray enough or well enough! When she gave her life over to Jesus she experienced real freedom from guilt.
This morning her husband testified that he saw such love and compassion in her that he gave his life to Jesus and he too immediately felt this same freedom from guilt!

It made me really think about how we often as Christians beat ourselves with an imaginary whip! We feel the burden of guilt that we don't do enough for God, we don't pray enough, We don't love enough etc etc!! Jesus took all that guilt for us when he died on the cross HE is enough!

Psalm 32 v 5 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin!'
When we become his child we no longer have to live in guilt we are free!!
Jesus died so that we can be free, it's a gift that we daily need to live in!
Our freedom is not an excuse to go and do what we want but a gift that we live out, loving God and others not because of guilt or obligation but as a response to His love gift to us.